


Remember.

by jxtxadore



Series: The James Bond Movies Collection [5]
Category: James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: I RP as Alec and I feel like this oculd be a headcanon for him, M/M, idk - Freeform, just thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3563801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxtxadore/pseuds/jxtxadore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec thinks on memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember.

Alec didn't make mistakes often. Where Britain was concerned, he never made mistakes. Be it for work, or what he was going to do, in years to come, Alec never made mistakes.

However, when it came to James Bond, he made quite a large mistake. He didn't kill him. No, Alec had let James live. He had let him get under his skin, and live there. He had enabled the best agent that MI6 had ever had, become his weak spot. 007 didn't know just how much he had become his weak spot, to the point that now, without him, he was nearly crippled, and unable to find a way to let his frustrations go.

James Bond had slowly wormed his way through the shields, find and pressing the weak spots, until he had become like a second shield, a beacon of comfort, a familiar book. James had slowly managed to take the place of his drink, his women, until he had managed to become a crutch the likes of which he had never yet experienced. Alec was sure that he would not be able to find someone to take back the place so decidedly taken by James.

His right hand woman couldn't even come close to what he knew. She was something that was similar,  but not completely satisfying. It was like a thirsting man getting nothing more than the dew on a leaf: the thirst was sated,  but the need was still there.she could sate the pleasure of his body, yet she could never extend more than just as a distraction.

If perhaps one day James could ever be his again, he would take it.

If James could be his like when they first had met, that even only would sate him. Two novice agents working for the betterment of a single cause, no reservations,  nothing but an air of love of country, held in high esteem.

If James could be his like when they had first kissed.... the feel of James's lips were still something that he knew, something that he was willing to never forget, a feeling that he was not going to leave out to dry. They had been resting against a wall in some foreign country, after having ran for their lives from a man who wanted to more than kill the, he wanted to destroy MI6. Something Alec would prevent from happening. If they did, then his pleasure would not be realised.

It was during that thought that James had leant forward and kissed him. It was lingering, a feeling that was unreal again his dried lips, his breathing uneven, his chest heaving. James was leaning down,  and alec felt his head tilt up, to better slot their lips together. James had moved his hand over Alec's shoulder, and before long,their bodies had been pressed against the other's.

Sitting on the chair, he leant forward a bit, pressing his eyes into the heels of his hands.

The feeling of their first dinner was imprinted in his memories as well. Though he couldn't remember the food, he remembered the feel of his feet being played with, and James putting his calf of Alec's thigh. The table had been very thin, after all, and their knees knocked together, pressing close. Alec had moved his hand to rest next to James's,  only for the other to begin to play with his knuckles. James didn't even let his eyes wander to the woman serving them. It was an experience that Alec had yet to truly experience, and part if him was worried that it was just an act. However, when the waitress came in the middle of the shared dessert, and James blinked a few times before looking at the woman, did Alec know it was a true thing. No matter how good James was at acting, he was always sauve, and never would let something as silly as an unexpected woman slip that up. Though his words were’t exactly unkind, they weren’t very nice, and Alec had to place his hand on James’s to calm him down, as well as put a small, slight claim on his James.

His eyes went from the dark wall, to the dark ceiling. Living on this train was very unkind, thanks to the lack of true love, and comfort from his James. NO, to be without him was something that was a thing he really had never gotten used to, after years of them being a single unit. Alec was more used to having a warm body curl into his than he was the opposite. The scars would prevent that from happening too easily, now. However, that wasn’t really the main cause, he would be sure to remember. No, it was the small fact that he had betrayed his James. His james believed him to be dead, after all. No more of their cold nights together, friction between their bodies, and certainly no more times that they would fall into one another’s arms. No, those times were long dead, now. He had lost the only man he had ever willingly given his life to, and the cause was one he wasn’t yet completely dedicated to, at this moment.

He was assured, however, when he realized that with time, the love would fade, that the hatred of that accrued country would appear once again.

Yet even as those thoughts appeared, his mind wandered back to places best left undiscovered. Thoughts of his lips against another pair, softer than his, of hair just slightly too long, of a scarred body, firmly pressed against his, even with the clothing between them. A feeling perhaps even more erotic than those that they had experienced together, when they had all clothes gone, and their bodies were flush.

Those were memories that he couldn't stand having. If he had them, then he was for sure to have his commitment once again wavered.

Even as the tears appeared on his face, he couldn't help thinking of his one and only James. His James, even when he slept with many other people, when the man couldn’t help loving the country that his life was sworn to.  His james was never really his. No, James was always for his country. James was always England’s. Even those nights that they managed to steal away and kiss and touch, when they managed to lay down next to one another, Alec tracing his scars, or perhaps the otherway around, James always had a glint of England in his eyes. He was never really Alec’s.

**And that betrayal hurt more than any other betrayal he could even feel again.**


End file.
